I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
