I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
