I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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