I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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