Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
