i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
and she was petting her beer can
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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