I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Sext me about skeletons
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
