All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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