so explain again why im purple
no
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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