The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i will never coherently bang her
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
