He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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