Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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