They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
