You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
