Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
