god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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