He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
