I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
