i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
