I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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