If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
