So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Randomize
