omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
How naked do you want me to be?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
