I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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