If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
