3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just had sex bonerless
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
