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Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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