i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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