he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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