i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
