She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
