Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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