I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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