I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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