no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
