i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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