What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
