it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
