I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
