is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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