When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
