I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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