Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
