Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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