They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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