i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
