Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
