I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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