You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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