I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
