So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
They took my balls.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
