Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
