That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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