glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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